“I do”—

two simple little words…

that are so loaded with meaning when they are spoken at a wedding;

two simple little words signifying commitment to another person:

“to have and to hold from this day forward, 

for better, for worse, 

for richer, for poorer, 

in sickness and in health, 

to love and to cherish, 

as long as we both shall live”. 

It’s the sort of commitment that all of us who are married— 

or who have been married— 

have promised.

And, when a couple join together to create a new family…

they come as two people—

as two unique individuals—

often with very different backgrounds and upbringings… 

very different life experiences…

very different personalities…

and, even, very different expectations.

But they come, sharing similar hopes and dreams for the future.

And, of course, they come together out of love—

with a desire to be with each other, come what may.

They come, aware, at least on some level, that there will be difficulties…

that they won’t always see eye-to-eye;

that, at times, they will get on each other’s nerves;

but they come with a desire to make it work.

They come as two unique individuals…

bonded together in mutual love and commitment—

two becoming one…

two working to remain one.

But it’s not easy.

And it doesn’t always work.

Despite their best intentions—

despite their love for each other…

and commitment that they make to each other and to the relationship—

it can and it does go horribly wrong.

Over time, their differences may simply overwhelm their common commitment.

Problems can occur when each one of them doesn’t work at the relationship—

when they stop treating each other with respect…

honesty…

integrity…

or patience.

And then, of course, there are those horrifying instances…

when one abuses the other’s trust;

or when one of the partners becomes abusive—

physically or emotionally;

when a relationship that ought to be nurturing becomes destructive…

and when remaining is simply harmful or unsafe. 

All too often, a relationship that promised so much can become life-denying, rather than life-giving.

And yet, it’s never an easy choice to walk away from that commitment—

despite what some people might think…

claiming that divorce is too easy these days.

Let me tell you, it’s never easy.

It’s a gut-wrenching experience—

one that forces you to confront many demons and face some very hard questions:

Where did things go wrong?

And why?

It forces you to face up to the fact that you failed—

despite all of your best intentions.

There are regrets and recriminations.

There’s grief at the loss of your hopes and dreams—

stewing over the what-could-have-beens and the what-should-have-beens.

And there’s the shattering of the illusion that love does conquer all.

A marriage breakdown changes your sense of self.

It requires you to rebuild a number of relationships and, effectively, begin your life over again.

When a marriage is infused with love, commitment, respect, and integrity…

it can enable each person to grow into fullness…

to become the best that they can be.

When it’s not, it can be incredibly destructive.

 

In many ways, “marriage” offers a helpful metaphor—

or even parable—

for the life of the church.

At one level, being ‘church’ involves the coming together of different people…

who bring with them a range of personalities… experiences… 

backgrounds… 

expectations and needs;

different people who are seeking to nurture and be nurtured… 

to love and to be loved…

to grow…

and to find fullness and wholeness.

It can be wonderfully life-giving.

But it can also be incredibly destructive—

even abusive—

when people within the church fail to treat each other with respect…

or integrity…

or patience…

or tolerance.

In particular, I think that we see that when systems and structures…

beliefs… 

or practices…

are given priority over people.

And, in many respects… 

I think that our reading from Ephesians this morning must share some of the blame.

Positively, it’s been at the core of much of the ecumenical movement…

encouraging the various denominations to strive for unity;

to recognise what they hold in common rather than what divides them.

And yet… 

it’s also helped to foster the notion that the institution of the church must be preserved at all cost—

that unity is its own end. 

And, indeed, the focus of this reading is overwhelmingly upon unity.

We get the sense of how important that issue is for the author…

when we note how many times he uses the word “One”—

there is:

One body…

One Spirit…

One hope…

One Lord…

One faith…

One baptism…

One God.

Above all else, the author of Ephesians images the church as a body… 

with Christ as its head.

In other words, the church’s unity is, for him, not just essential…

but even sacrosanct.

And yet, tempering that, he proclaims:

“But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift”.

Each of us was given grace.

Each of us was equipped or endowed with gifts and abilities…

specifically, “for the building up of the body of Christ”.

Without stating the importance of each organ to a body’s health and survival—

like Paul does in his use of the body metaphor in First Corinthians—

our author still alludes to it.

If any limb or organ or system is neglected—

if it’s treated with disdain—

then the body ultimately cannot be healthy.

In other words…

a focus upon unity at the expense of the health of each person…

is ultimately destructive.

It’s only as each is nurtured—

spiritually, emotionally, psychologically—

that they can all discover their full potential.

And it’s only then, that the body itself is healthy…

and we embody true unity.

 

The church, today, is still a collection of diverse people:

people with different experiences and backgrounds;

people with different abilities and personalities;

people with differing views and practices…

and differing interpretations of what it means to be faithful to Christ.

But we are one—

whether we are white or black…

whether we were born in this country or came as a migrant or refugee…

whether we are cis, trans, gay, bi, or straight.

We are all one people in Christ.

But we are only the Body of Christ—

we are only One, as church—

when each person is welcomed…

nurtured…

and loved.

Any person…

any community of faith… 

that is not innately inclusive—

that does not respond with humility…

with gentleness…

with patience…

and with love—

has, effectively, excluded themselves from the Body of Christ.

Despite what some churches imply or profess…

the mark of unity is not uniformity—

either to some body of doctrine or to some moral code.

Rather, the mark of unity is loving inclusion.

And, until the church as a whole, realises that…

then the church universal, will not be one…

and we will not grow as a Body.

And you know what they say happens when you stop growing…