Hardly a week goes by without hearing stories in the media...

of another spat among politicians in the parliament;

or another brawl outside a nightclub or on the football field;

or another group of next-door neighbours who can't get along--

complaining about the noise that the other one makes or the rubbish in their yard...

which escalates to yelling and the trading of insults...

until, finally, they take out intervention orders against each other;

or another husband who has beaten his wife because she burnt his sausages...

or wouldn't do everything that he demanded of her;

or another lot of parents and their teenage children at war;

or another case of someone beaten up-- 

simply because they inadvertently cut someone off on the road.

Hardly a week goes by without hearing of people acting out their frustration and their anger.

And while some of those circumstances are extreme...

they're not totally removed from our experience.

I mean, let's face it, all of us get angry.

And we all do things when we're angry that we wish we hadn't.

 

Anger--

it's a powerful emotion.

And it's a scary emotion--

one that can seemingly overwhelm us...

so that we don't think straight...

we don't see the other point of view...

we don't think beyond ourselves...

we don't consider the consequences.

And, when we're angry, it's easy to lose control and to lash out...

especially at those whom we hold responsible for our anger and pain.

When we're angry it's easy to say and do things that we will regret later--

to say and do things that will hurt others...

to say and do things that will damage our relationships irreparably.

And, because anger is so powerful and scary, we often try to suppress it;

we try to pretend that it doesn't exist;

or we try to bottle it up inside.

But anger that's left untreated only builds up.

And, sooner or later, we just end up exploding like an over-heated pressure cooker...

completely out of proportion to that which triggered it...

often with devastating results.

Unresolved anger can also fester away inside of us... 

seeping out in other ways like resentment...

spitefulness...

sarcasm...

insults...

and malicious gossip.

Certain health problems can also result from suppressed anger--

it can have a contributing role in heart attacks and depression.

 

So, how do we deal with anger constructively?

 

"Putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbours".

In our reading from Ephesians, the author deals with the issue of anger.

And it's no coincidence that he begins with "speak the truth"...

because dealing with anger begins with being honest.

It begins with naming how I am feeling--

by owning up to it...

by admitting that I am angry.

Not by blaming someone else--

with a waggling finger and an accusatory, "You make me so angry".

Because, in fact, that isn't true.

Nobody makes us angry.

In fact, no one makes us feel anything at all.

Sure, they may do things that we don't like.

But whether or not we get angry depends on us.

It depends on what's at stake for us.

It depends on how we interpret the situation subconsciously.

So dealing with our anger begins with us.

It begins with owning how we are responding...

and naming what we are feeling.

So, instead of, "You make me angry"...

perhaps, "I feel angry when you do that because..."

To own our feelings in that way is to be honest about the situation.

It takes responsibility for our response.

It doesn't blame others.

And it invites communication, rather than destroys it.

 

But then we have other choices.

"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger".

In other words, it's okay to be angry because anger is a fact of life-- 

even for those of us who have been brought up to see anger as wrong...

because, as people of faith, we're suppose to be "nice" all of the time.

But anger isn't wrong in and of itself.

What matters is what we do with it.

Anger is wrong when we choose to attack or to blame.

Anger is wrong when we resort to insults, threats, and malice.

Anger is wrong when we harbour it... 

and dwell on it... 

and revel in it...

rather than seeking to resolve it.

And that's why our author says... 

"don't let the sun go down on your anger".

That's not meant to be taken literally, of course.

Because some things can't be resolved that quickly--

especially if they're important...

or if there's a lot at stake.

In a way, what he is saying is: "if you're angry, deal with it.

Don't ignore it.

Don't bottle it up.

Don't harbour it.

Because that will inevitably become destructive, even evil.

Rather, when you feel angry it's important to resolve it.

Quickly.

Before it can build up.

Before it can become harmful.

Before it can become entrenched".

So, be angry, but don't wallow in it.

Don't use your feeling of anger as an excuse to do harm.

But, most of all, don't let anger become destructive or hurtful... 

because... 

in the end, we are all children of God.

And we are called to be who we are.

"Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us".

Live in love.

It's okay to get angry--that's a fact of life.

It's something that we can't avoid, or deny, or suppress.

But deal with it.

And deal with it appropriately...

because we're called to follow the example of Christ...

because we're called to love as we have been loved...

without exception...

without condition...

without limit.

And when the Bible speaks of love, it's not talking about an emotion...

but an attitude...

a way of being...

a way of acting towards another person.

It means acting with compassion...

with respect...

with tolerance... 

and with forgiveness.

It means seeking what is best for the other person...

regardless of how I might feel;

that is, seeking what is best for the person who annoys me...

or provokes me...

or gets on my nerves--

whether or not I think that they deserve it...

whether or not my anger seems justified.

Because, as God's children, we're called to imitate Christ;

we're called to act in love.

 

And you know...

if, when we're angry, we stop...

we acknowledge how we are feeling...

we decide not to bottle it up or nurture it...

we decide to resolve it...

and we actually stop focussing on ourselves--

on our rights...

and our needs... 

and our hurts--

and we start to focus on the other person-

on their rights, and needs, and hurts-

when we do that...

then it's hard to remain angry for very long.

Granted, that's not easy.

And, on one level, it's a bit simplistic.

It presupposes a relationship that we care about...

and one with a balance of power.

And yet, if we all started to do that... 

with those with whom we are in relationship... 

then just imagine the possibilities!